The Darkest Hour Is Just Before Dawn
by BlackBandit111
Summary: 5x13. When he imagined dying, it was never like this. Major spoilers.


**I saw the season finale, and died a little inside. Arthur was...he was Arthur. It hurt me to see him pass away. **

**So I made this oneshot. I hope you enjoy it and please, leave me a comment!**

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Arthur, unlike most people, knew one day his life would end. It was inevitable, and unlike some of his fellow youth, Arthur knew he was not invincible. Yet when he imagined his death, it was never this. He would die in battle, a valiant attempt at keeping something he loved, something worth fighting for, safe from harm; or maybe older, grayer, with a couple children to succeed him, with he, Arthur, having watched them grow. Even if protecting his kingdom, fighting against magic and dragons; holding a sword and shield, battling amongst his comrades and foes and bravely sacrificing himself.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. Arthur had never thought it could be this.

This was painful; dark, searing pain that made his body feel as though it was burning. This was long and drawn-out and terribly, terribly saddening. He would never see Gwen again. He never got to say goodbye. He had no children. He couldn't say goodbye to his comrades, his friends, his knights. He didn't get the chance to apologize to his people.

He didn't truly live.

He was going to die alone.

Except for Merlin. Merlin was always there, and Arthur had been more hurt than truthful when he had said to his manservant the day before setting out for Camlann, _"I always thought you were the bravest man I ever met. I guess I was wrong."_ He hadn't been wrong- Merlin was truly the strongest and most resilient man he'd ever met. He seemed to be there whenever Arthur needed anything, and Merlin was always insistent to provide his opinion- wanted, or not.

But Merlin was one of them. Merlin was a sorcerer. Merlin had lied for all those years- pretending to be Arthur's friend, his ally, his loyal servant. Merlin was...evil. This was what confused Arthur most, because if Merlin was truly bad, why would he save and protect and defend Arthur for all those years?

Arthur would've liked to think it was Merlin's cover for being a spy intent on destroying him, but the King was an honest man. He knew in his heart Merlin wasn't evil. Merlin was a genuine sort of person. He was not one to hide from responsibility or cower in the face of adversity. Merlin's unfaltering loyalty was real, and his courage was not something that could be easily faked.

And besides; Merlin had been in close quarters with Arthur since the first time he saved his life. Why keep him around so long if he really wanted to kill him that badly? God knew Arthur had given Merlin plenty of reasons and plenty of opportunity.

Arthur wasn't sure, but he figured that Merlin was just pure...good. He saw the way Merlin put Arthur before himself; saw how Merlin went to great lengths to protect both of them. How Merlin was determined to save Arthur.

After coming to the answer to the puzzle that had been Merlin for so long, Arthur felt a sense of peace. He now knew all his servant did for him, for Camelot. Surely the skeleton army could not have gone away on its own; Morgana could not have not taken over the city without outside help. _Tree branches,_ Arthur chuckled, _don't just conveniently fall on correct people at accurate times._ If it was one thing Arthur had learned, it was this: there was no such thing as a coincidence.

Merlin had protected them for years, without seeking anything in return.

_Everything you've done, and you've never sought any credit?_

_"That's not why I do it." _

Arthur knew Merlin would go to the end of the Earth for him, to find the cure to the sword shard on its way to his heart. But deep in his heart of hearts, Arthur knew there was no possibility he could live. He knew in his soul he was going to die. He had found his peace with it.

_"Merlin, not without the horses...it's too late...it's too late, it's too...all you're magic, Merlin, and you can't save my life?"_

_"I can't!" _Strained, panicked._ "I won't lose you-"_

_"Just,"_ calm, calm for his friend,_ "just, just hold me...please..."_ Pleading. Arthur shifted slightly in Merlin's exhausted hold, making himself as comfortable as possible. He knew this was his end. He didn't want to leave Merlin like this. Merlin was breathily heavily from exertion, and Arthur felt pangs of regret and guilt stab his heart strings. _"Th-there's something, I want to say..."_

_"You're not going to say goodbye,"_ Merlin replied with force that startled Arthur.

He shook his head, looking up at his raven haired friend._ "No,"_ he shook his head slightly_, "Merlin."_ A gulp. Strong for Merlin, like Merlin had always been strong for him. "_Ev__erything you've done...I know now. For me,"_ a weakened choking sound, before he continued. _"For Camelot. For the kingdom you-"_ he struggled through the thickness in his voice, _"helped me build._"

Merlin scoffed slightly._ "You'd have done it without me."_

Arthur smiled lightly, huffing softly. Merlin._ "Maybe."_

Merlin's brows furrowed in concern as Arthur stared at the sky, thinking of his next words. Words that would count forever. He wanted his last words to be special. He didn't want Merlin to remember him in sadness. Arthur looked back at his friend. _"I want to say something, that I never said to you before,"_ he said, staring at Merlin, trying to gauge his reaction before going on. He smiled lightly, gratefulness shining in his eyes and tears gathering. _"thank you."_ His tone rose slightly at the end of the sentence.

He knew Merlin wanted him to stay. But he was so tired and done with fighting. He could see light coming towards him quickly, and knew he only had another moment or two. With the last of his strength, Arthur reached up, cupped the back of Merlin's head in his hand, and rustled the hair, threading his fingers through it. He gazed up at his friend's face, Merlin's face, determined never to forget it. For it to be the last thing he saw.

There was a wetness on Arthur's cheeks- was it raining? Some landed on his lips. Salty. Not rain. Tears. Merlin's tears.

_Don't cry for me, Merlin, _Arthur thought, smiling to himself fondly. _Please, don't be so upset. _Arthur wanted Merlin to remember the banters and the campfires, the stars they looked up at and the sun on their backs. He wanted Merlin to remember all the good times they'd shared- either bickering or running, screaming or laughing.

The light around him grew blinding.

_"Arthur, hey, no,"_ Merlin called, sounding apprehensive, but it sounded like an echo. Arthur didn't react. Then, frightened and urgent, _"ARTHUR!"_

Arthur's eyes flew open. Merlin's tears fell onto his face._ "Stay with me,"_ Merlin begged, lips curling up in earnest._ I'm sorry, Merlin._ His eyes drifted shut again.

_"Arthur,"_ he heard Merlin say,_ "no."_ Begging him to return, to come back.

_I'm so, so sorry, Merlin._

_"No, ARTHUR!"_ A shout of effort. Arthur could barely hear it now. He had the sense Merlin was yelling something, in a different, beautiful and elegant tongue, but he heard everything like he was underwater; murky, unfocused.

The light was all around him, but a dark figure emerged from the whiteness. As the figure approached, they became clearer, and Arthur uttered one word.

"Mother?"

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**I apologize for the shortness of it and hope you enjoyed it. Sorry if it tugged tears- hope you have a trusty tissue box at hand. Again, please leave me a comment on your thoughts and thanks for reading!**


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